2nd Injection & Fear

Today I had my 2nd IV glutathione. It went well and I had no reactions or side effects.  The only negative I noticed both times is a strong smell in my urine - but the nurse said this was normal as the glutathione is ridding the body of toxins.  Makes sense, but highly unpleasant especially since I have to go to the bathroom every 30-40 minutes.  I increased my water intake today knowing my body would need it for flushing, but I seriously feel like twice the  amount has come out than I took in!

I had a wave of energy but it was much shorter acting than last time - maybe 4 hours.  But I was able to sneak in some exercise during that time!  Then I crashed....not falling asleep but I felt like I couldn't lift a finger if I tried!  That lasted for about 1.5 -2 hours.  Thankfully I found enough energy to make a quick dinner so the kids wouldn't starve!  :)

The biggest difference is barely any itching at all!  Seriously it feels so good to not itch!  Also no minor irritating areas or burning since the injection.  I know this will not last but I will enjoy it for today!

Now for the fear part.  I have had increasing moments of mild fear/panic that my flares (as I used to have) will return.  Honestly, on a rational note, I feel like the supplements have truly given me my life back and that they have changed my skin for the better.  I don't think I will ever go back to that given how much my skin has really changed.  But then I remember reading all the blogs of those before me who have these amazing breaks and then "SNAP" the flare comes raging back weeks or months later.  And now that I have been feeling so good for 2 months now, I feel like I am closing in on some invisible deadline....it's as if I am getting closer to the time when my skin is going to turn on me and flare horribly for months to come.  I can't get the stories out of my head.  I spent hours on a daily basis the first few months reading other fellow warriors' blogs.  I was basically home bound so I just poured over their stories, soaking in their pain and "timelines".  I wanted to get some idea of what I was in for.  I had been through a sort of withdrawal once before - going from very potent steroids to a smidgen of over the counter strength.  I suffered for about 3 years without knowing what the heck was going on.  This time around I experienced a lot of the same, but also much different symptoms, so it really helped to read how others went through TSW - it gave me a bit of a clue.  I know no one follows one exact path with TSW, but knowing what others dealt with helped me to know that my symptoms were not off the grid per se.   But all those stories now seem to haunt me.  The phrase, "NOTHING but time will heal you" is glued in my head even though I don't believe it.  I somehow feel like I am waiting for a bomb to  go off.  It doesn't seem possible to be nearly healed at 9 months into TSW when I used TS for 30+ years.  So all of a sudden I have these doubts and fears - they are fleeting, but coming more frequently the past few weeks.  I somehow have to just let it be....what comes my way I will deal with it then.

So I will just remind myself over and over if I have to what happened today - before my injection.  You see last night I came home from work exhausted.  I have not slept well since starting the supplements 2 months ago.  Funny I was able to sleep during the worst parts!  But I stopped my cocktail of benadryl, tylenol, and ibuprofen.  The MSM I take is a natural anti-inflammatory.  It has a side effect of more energy hence the problem sleeping I assume.  I stopped the ibuprofen because I didn't want to have too many anti-inflammatories in my body. I stopped the tylenol because the NAC I take is supposed to protect the liver from such things as tylenol. Well last night I just couldn't take another tossing and turning, waking every 2 hours night.  I decided to skip the MSM and other evening supplements and just take my old cocktail.  Sure enough I slept 7 hours straight!  No tossing or turning!  I was overjoyed!  I decided that I should take the second dose of MSM around 3-4 pm and take my old cocktail right before  bed.  But since I only had one dose of the MSM yesterday, I had a bit of a drawback for about 10  minutes this morning.  I had the unpleasant experience of oozing from my left hand.  Yes....it only lasted 10 minutes, but the smell was unmistakable!  The MSM I believe is what keeps me from oozing and swelling.  The glutathione I believe is responsible for the ever strengthening of my skin.  The MSM has a short term effect whereas the glutathione has a longer term effect if that makes sense.  So missing one dose causes a small amount of oozing....I experienced this in the beginning of taking the supplements when I was not 100% compliant.  It didn't take me long then to figure out that missing one dose would bring on the ooze.

That experience has taught me that I am more than likely on the right track here.  I feel more and more confident in what I am doing and researching.  Of course I am still human enough to know that life is not all that simple and easy. I also know that I could very well be wrong and may experience another flare some day soon.  I just wish I could be this rational in my emotions! Unfortunately I haven't quite mastered my emotions!  Thankfully I have enough control over the fear to not let it turn into a panic attack.  I will just continue to pray for strength, guidance, and knowledge,  It's all I can do in the midst of all this.

I work the next few days....then I have a few days off when I will get some more pictures up!  Hope everyone is well!