Phone Call & Flare

Yesterday evening I had a bad flare on my hands and arms. It started out of the blue...my hands have been bad since going back to work, but this was redness and oozing.  And the pain returned for quite a few hours. I was depressed and upset but thankfully did not cry or lose it.   I had changed the brand of MSM I was using about 4-5 days ago.  I noticed my hands and neck were getting ever so slightly worse since then.  I do not have ooze pouring out of me.  In fact the only way I know I am oozing is because my open areas have lint stuck to them....classic sign of the sticky ooze returning.  Other than that I would not have noticed...my clothes are not damp or have any wet spots.  I even had lint on one spot on my neck from my turtleneck.  I at first thought it was a real flare coming on.  But I am going to switch back to my original MSM brand today after I go pick some up.  I did increase my dose last night of my current brand and again this morning.  I only had a few spots with lint in it and the rest of the open areas are just dry scabs this morning.  I thankfully woke with no pain today.  Maybe the current brand is not as strong  as the original?  Or maybe it is a flare coming on.  What I do know is quite a few people in private emails who are trying the MSM say it seems to be dose related in regards to how much they ooze.  Thankfully my face is still unaffected and my neck feels much better this morning.  If I get a chance I will take pictures later today.

The phone call....the ND office called me today.  The secretary said my blood tests came back and the ND needs to see me this week.  Typically here is how doctor offices work with regard to blood work.  If all is good, the nurse calls you and says all is good.  If something is critical, the nurse or doctor calls you and tells you to go to the ER.  If things are not normal, but not critical,  they schedule you to come in to see the doctor  to discuss the results and see what needs to be changed.  I have never seen an ND before this so I am unfamiliar with their practices.  I am going to assume though they work similar to the MD's in regards to lab work.  So I am assuming something was abnormal, but not critical.  Oh well....have to  wait until Friday for my appointment. They were going to squeeze me in tomorrow but I have to work. If I switch days with my hubby then I would have to work 3 days in a row and I know I would not be able to handle that.  Not knowing though drives me insane!  But I do need to learn patience!  :)

As for other things going on.  I decided to make Christmas cookies after all.  I will not be making 5 different kinds like I want to - I know I don't have the energy for that. So I will just be doing chocolate chip cookies, cut-outs, and snickerdoodles. Saturday is our first family day in a long time as hubby has been working overtime.  We are going snow tubing!  The kids are so excited as am I!!  When we get home we will make it a family event to frost all the cut-out cookies!  What fun!  I am pushing myself here because my family has suffered right along with me.  My kids were involved in gymnastics and other events that had to be stopped because not only could I not afford it with not working this year, but I had no energy at all and could not drive for months. I feel bad for them as they have barely complained at all and stepped up to the plate to help with everything!  They are 12, 10, and 8.  While they need to learn the value of helping others and being humbled, I still feel bad that their lives were so drastically altered because of my TSW.  It is now time to reclaim our lives and get back into doing fun things altogether as a family.  I would put them back in gymnastics but we are moving soon, so I may wait until after we move.

There are multiple holidays and celebrations this time of year.  I know those of us with TSW are really suffering.  For those too sick to celebrate, don't beat yourself up over it.  I know if I was still flaring like in month 5 or 6 there would be NO WAY I could do all this.  I would feel guilty and bad, but would also know deep down that when I do heal, I would then have the opportunity to make it up to my family.  Since feeling so much better the last 2 months, I have been striving to make it up to my hubby and kids.  It's a slow process given most of my energy is used up with returning to work full time.  So I do push myself at times - but I now have the reserves to push myself.  I didn't before.

Life throws us lemons sometimes.  With TSW those lemons are just too rotten to make lemonade with.  But eventually some lemons will come through just ripe enough to make a little lemonade.  And eventually all lemons thrown our way will be perfect for lemonade.  God only gives us what we can handle. I didn't think I would make it past week 4 or 5, let alone 10 months. But I did.  It was hard and dark 95% of the time.  But God's light shone through at the exact moments I needed it to.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other.  It does get better.  Maybe not today nor tomorrow,  but it will eventually.