Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Flaring but keeping the hope!

Well there is no longer any doubt I am flaring.  The spasms of pain here and there and the oozing on my hands were the lead up to the flare.  I whined a lot about it yesterday to my husband and a little bit more today.  But the bottom line is I am not in a full flare like I had in the past.  I am oozing here and there.  Maybe it will get worse.  Maybe not.  I changed back to my original MSM yesterday and I will give it a few days to kick in.  I refuse to "give in" emotionally to this beast.  I will not let it take over.

My legs are on fire as are my hands, chest, low back, and parts of my arms.  Weird thing I noticed is the flaring areas on my arms and legs are the inside parts of my limbs.  For the first 6-7 months of TSW I had a horrible area on the outside of my left arm.  Not this time....outside parts of my legs and arms are perfectly clear. My ankles and wrists are probably the worst areas right now.  The good news is the thickening skin I had throughout the entire 6-7 months on my hands and wrists did not return.  The skin is not swollen nor raised.  It's just flat but broken open in many areas.  Not sure how the heck I'm going to work the next 2 days.  I bought a tea tree oil spray yesterday and used it at work.  It cooled the skin but not sure if it helped or not.

The other good  news is while I may be oozing, it is not pouring out nor do I have to wipe it away.  It is a scant amount, but enough where lint collects.  I have other freshly scratched areas that are not oozing and no lint collects I can truly tell how much I'm oozing even if there is only scant amounts coming out.  It's not even enough to form the yellow crust layer.  And the smell is barely detectable...I only catch a whiff here and there which is good and I hope it stays this way because the ooze smell always made me nauseated.

I wanted to throw the towel in between yesterday and today. I almost threw out all my supplements and wanted so bad to go out and buy a bunch of junk food!  But I didn't as I still believe what I am doing is truly benefiting me and making my TSW significantly more tolerable.  I think between going back to work and other life stressors, I am just in a state of physical and emotional weakness. I am trying to take a few steps back and re-evaluate everything, but I might just wait to do that after the holidays.

I have my ND appointment on Friday and plan to ask about adding in homeopathy.  I also have to get on the ball after Christmas to eat 100% more cheating.  But it takes a lot of work and I can't do it alone.  I wish I had the ability to take a few weeks off so I could just have a re-boot with my life.  But that doesn't seem to be a possibility anytime I would probably just sleep more and not get myself  back on track with anything so might as well work.   And yes,  I am quite a bit down right now.  But I am doing my utmost to not let it get to me.  I did make a few cookies....and I mean just a few. I am trying and not succeeding at accomplishing anything.  But the fact that I am still trying is what I focus on.

So for those that are in the perils of TSW and feeling terribly down at this moment....I feel you! But do your hardest to try something....anything.  And then give yourself a pat on the back for just simply trying.

Besides the obvious negative of flaring....the other bad thing happening is a complete and utter zapping of energy.  I don't know how I worked this week or last.  The past few weeks I have noted a huge decline in my energy levels.  I would  get a few tired periods here and I barely get a few periods of energy anymore.  I am attributing this to not only the flare, but to stopping the raw adrenal I was tapering off.  I stopped it completely quite a few weeks ago and I didn't notice a change immediately like I did when I initially stopped it.  But I think it will take some time for the adrenals to get back to normal.  I am doing my utmost to get to where I don;t take any supplements and get all my nutrients from natural foods.  It will obviously take some time, but that is my plan.  I am hoping my ND has some good ideas or homeopathy remedies to help facilitate this.  I don't know how much longer I can last with this state of exhaustion.

Wish I had pictures to share, but frankly just too tired to deal with it. I will however share a picture of my children having a blast playing in all the snow we have!!  They get out nearly everyday....although I think they are going to need new boots and winter gear because they are just wearing their stuff out!


  1. Yes I don't know if it is just time or MW but when my skin weeps now it is less and doesn't smell like it used to. Oh and I am consistently taking MSM twice a day now rather than just in the mornings. Maybe that helps?

    I wish I could send you a rest fairy! If you are still doing long shifts at work then of course you will be exhausted all of the time. It is such a taxing time on the body and it needs rest. I have a supplement here called Adrenal DMG but it contains adrenal cortex and I am worried that rather than my adrenals healing they will just continue to be lazy if I take it.

    1. Hi Ruby....Before I forget.....loved your video! Watched it this morning! You did a fantastic job! I wrote a bit about the adrenals to Dan below....might help explain a bit about the adrenal stuff you are taking. As much as I hate this oozing, I am still thankful it is NOTHING compared to before using the MSM. I am maybe oozing about 10% of what I once was. But for the sake of my own personal research on myself I have to declare any and all changes in my skin! :) Luckily the ooze is down to 1% today....barely any at all except a scant amount on one small area on my right leg. I did however call in for today and my husband went to work for me (sweet man that he is). I knew there was no way I could work today. I ended up sleeping til 11:30! I think I was in desperate need of healing sleep!

  2. This info is on my blog, but here is a link to what Dr. Fukaya told me about the role of the adrenals in tsw in case you haven't read it. You may wish to review the email exchanges between him and myself at bottom of article.

    adrenal glands

    1. Thanks Dan....I read the information and find it interesting. I believe though I was damaged internally from TS....30 years of all strengths of TS being applied all over my body....I had "eczema" from head to toe since childhood and applied it liberally during my teen years and early 20's. In my 30's I was diagnosed with liver damage. The doctor kept asking me how much I drank every day. Thing is I didn't drink, smoke,or do any drugs. I drank on occasion in college but was usually the designated driver because I never found drinking more than 1-2 drinks fun. I tried to explain that to the docs, but they wouldn't listen. I had severe adrenal insufficiency after each pregnancy. And after baby #3 I got my tubes tied because I thought until the doctors or myself found out what was wrong with me, I knew I would never survive another pregnancy- that's how sick I had become. I had severe crippling low back pain for years and I sustained no injury. I no longer have that back mysteriously went I attribute that to my adrenals not musculoskeletal pain. I may be self-diagnosing here, but the multiple doctors I saw over the years did little to help me. I was told by someone in the alternative field that my adrenals were nearly shot (this was 5-6 years ago). So I have been slowly trying to change my whole system (gut, adrenals, liver, etc) since then....but it did little to help since I was still using TS as I didn't know about TSA at the time. Now my body is trying to heal from TSA and the extensive internal damage. I know I absorbed way too much TS....I remember literally slathering it all over me. My dermatologist just kept giving ,e refill after refill.

      Anyways...I think some people can benefit greatly from trying to help their adrenals and eating a diet higher in protein as protein is necessary for rebuilding of tissue. But taking an adrenal supplement that contains raw adrenal will still provide something to the adrenals causing it to not function fully, I unfortunately took the raw adrenal for too long. I should have only taken it for a few months but instead took it for years. That is why I now research everything. I didn't before.

      Anyway...thanks again for sharing....really appreciate all you have done! Hope your TSW is almost gone!

    2. Hi Tracy, that is a tough road you've had. I didn't know you had such a history with your adrenals, and you obviously know what you are doing. I also had childhood eczema but was fortunate in that we didn't have money to go to doctors. Mine was mostly left untreated except for the dirt I would put on my bloody arms and legs all the time at a young age as a kid. It soothed my skin. Funny how I never once got an infection from that dirt! Then when I was a teen my Aunt would slather Vaseline on my arms and wrap saran wrap around them and tape gloves on my hands every night. What a drag that was! I think the Vaseline just made it worse because it didn't help over a period of a year or so. Finally, most of my eczema just went away on it's on in my late teens.

      I also have cirrhosis from hep c, which I cleared about 9 years ago. I only applied the ts in the last 20 years and 18 of those was a tiny amount 2-3 times a week. It was just in the last two years that I slathered it on my hands several times a day. Sounds like your case is much harder than my own since you used much more ts than I did.

      I really feel for you and hope things start getting better. You probably have tried this but just in case, witch hazel worked great for me for light oozing areas. Nice astringent quality to it that my skin seems to like. When my hands would ooze slightly, I would slather them in the witch hazel and then put on my white cotton gloves and press them firmly all over so the skin would dry with lots of cotton fibers on it, which seems to help form a type of scab or barrier to the open skin. I always pick the fibers off later out of habit. Been doing that for months.

      Currently I am about 95% completely healed with all the nerve pain gone, 95% of the itching is gone, all areas on body healed except for a little on my hands and a persistent skin split on one finger that slowly improves. My hand may look bad to some but if they had seen them the first couple months they would see about 95% improvement on them. My sleep patterns are getting better. Last couple nights I have managed to sleep with no drugs for the first time. No more 3-4 hour nights of sleep but more like 7-8 now. I feel normal again and when I think back to my worst months I can't believe just how hard it was. Much harder than my year long hep c treatment, and that was grueling.

      I do agree people going through tsw should support their adrenals through diet. I really do feel your pain and wish you a speedy recovery!

    3. Thanks Dan! I was tested multiple times for all the hepatitis strains, but always came up negative. The docs were stumped and wanted to do a liver biopsy but I refused. I had slightly elevated LFT's a year ago just before finding out about TSA. I plan to get them re-checked around the year mark of TSW. No sense getting it tested and being disappointed if they are still elevated with all the cleansing my body is now doing. My ND agrees to test me soon.

      The dirt was probably good for you....there are a lot of really good bacteria in the dirt so you were probably doing something your body really needed. If fruit and veggies were left to grow naturally with no pesticides or added dirt, then the dirt on the produce should only be wiped off gently. The scant amount left on them can be safely eaten and is actually good for you. We are taught to really scrub our produce only because of the darn pesticides. When we had a garden the year before we grew very little and didn't use any chemicals or added dirt and no one suffered when eating the strawberries that had dirt on them! We now have a ton of homemade compost for this upcoming spring growing season. It amazes me what we can do naturally with leftovers and worms! :)
      Thank you for your support and kind words! I am fighting a tough battle but have always had a warrior's heart....would have joined the Army if I wasn't born blind in one eye! :) Glad to hear you are nearly healed! I feel the difference with this flare and not using any moisturizers! It has made a huge difference! I have burning pain but it lasted for about 2-3 days constantly and an additional 2-3 days of intermittent pain. It's back to intermittent I think because I have been pain free since waking (except for the cracked dry areas have that tight sore feeling).

    4. Thanks Tracy! It takes a warrior to get through this crap that's for sure! I'm happy to hear you are getting some benefits from MW. It's tough in the beginning when you have open sores. It helps a lot using Dead Sea salt baths, water diluted tea tree oil, and witch hazel during those initial days, and during flares. My recent blood work showed my liver alt and ast levels at 20, so I was happy to see that. They were in the 400 range prior to clearing the virus but dropped to normal afterwards and have stayed there ever since. I couldn't be happier. The virus darn near killed me. That battle prepared me for this one so I was able to handle it pretty well considering the immense pain and suffering involved.

      Yeah, I also believe clean dirt is completely safe. I must of done it out of instinct. Part of the reason I'm so against chemicals in our food, air, and water. Nature provides everything we need but unfortunately we are destroying our very environment.

      Since you have so many months behind you I imagine the rest of your journey will only get better and better. Btw, your beautiful children look very happy!