Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Life goes on.....but sometimes I wish it would stop!

I wish I could hit a pause button for life right now.  Can't I pause everything around me until this TSW is over with?  That's a nice thought, but unfortunately life doesn't work that way.  Life goes on no matter what we are going through.  Even if we are going through something else that is difficult in life like financial strain, kids out of control, divorce, other illness, etc.  Life continues on around us.  And when we find ourselves in a dark place we wish life would just stop so we can catch up, breathe deep, collect ourselves, or get better.  Then we can hit play again and join in with life's regularly scheduled programs. 

Today I so desperately wanted to hit the pause button!  I went grocery shopping 2 days ago but forgot a few important items - like paper towels.  With 3 kids, paper towels are a must! We ran out late last night.  Hubby is working 60 hours a week so I do not have to work full time.  So I could not ask him to go get some before work this morning.  I had a bad night - barely slept because of extreme itching again.  I knew that if I didn't force myself to go to the store as soon as I rolled out of bed, I wouldn't go at all.  The nearest grocery store is 20 minutes away - so off we all went literally as soon as I rolled out of bed.  I went through the self scanner as I did not exfoliate my face and it was all red, dry, and peeling.  My hair was up and a mess.  Ahhhh.....the joys of not being able to hit pause!!

My biggest problem with this whole TSW thing is how it affects my kids.  I homeschool them and I try to keep them active in activities like going to museums, parks, and gymnastics.  Cross all those off the list for the last 4.5 months....except the park - in which I have taken them 2 or 3 times this year.  We haven't even gone to church lately.  Even though I have more energy, my skin is so much worse and my pain seems like it just keeps increasing.  I feel so bad for my kids....they see me in so much misery and pain.  I wish I could get up and put a smile on my face no matter how I feel so they do not have to see all this.  But I can't.  I'm not that strong. 

Today is just another bad day - hopefully I will have another good couple of days in 3 weeks when I am due for another 4-5 day break from the flaring.  But I just do not know what is going to happen.  Maybe I will get a BIG break or maybe none at all.  All I know is I am gearing up for the weekend.  We have a few big things planned and hopefully I can manage. 

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