Ahhhhh, a hot topic for sure! I think it is important to touch on for us adults going through TSW, who are married or involved in a serious relationship. Getting physical is the often the last thing on our minds - there is too much pain, burning, itching, and low self esteem to even think about getting in the sack! But for our significant others, they are struggling as well. They may not physically be in pain, but they often feel a sense of lack of control over what we are dealing with. They want to help us feel better. They want to fix this so we can all go on with life. And they are missing us - who we were before TSW - the emotional AND physical aspects of us. They watch us struggle and they don't know what to say or do.
What I do know is their needs are still the same, even though our needs have changed dramatically. For me, I have learned to meet my husband half way. He does his ultra best to be understanding that I have not been in the mood for the last 5 months (except for a few sporadic times). And I do my best to understand that his needs have not changed. It still amazes me that he wants me even when I am wrapped in vaseline, old clothes, an ice pack, and my hair in disarray. Once I got past the low self esteem aspect, I started getting creative. Even during my most painful times, I realized I could still make him happy with only using my hand and a bunch of dirty talk! :) Once I started making him happy more often, he seemed to be less stressed and less worried overall.
It is not easy by any means. During the hardest times, we are often too wrapped up in our pain and suffering to think about anyone else. We become very selfish - not on purpose, but for basic survival! I'm not a counselor, and I'm not here to tell anyone what to do in their own relationships. I am here to say that I have come to realize that by making my husband happy, I myself have become happier, less stressed, and more importantly, less worried about our marriage during this state of crisis.